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I was hanging out with a UK friend late one night playing music, drinking, smoking, and what have you, when I got hungry. There wasn't food in the house other than these chocolates that were in the freezer. I lived with someone and figured it must be theirs but I was hungry and ate some anyway. I forget how many there were, but I ate a few of them. After about an hour had passed I told my friend that I was pretty sure that I was tripping and that he should eat some of that chocolate in the freezer. We polished off what was left and stayed up all night. I can't recall what transpired exactly... I was tripping my face off, but I'm sure we weren't quiet about it. There was an electronic drum kit in the house. When my roommate woke up and I told him what we'd done, He was a little angry about it because they were mushroom chocolates that he was saving. Or maybe he was mad we'd kept him up. Either way, not fun dealing with when you're on hallucinogens. But I can say I unintentionally dosed myself with psychoactive drugs.

Radiohead was headlining at some festival in North Jersey or something, and I went with an ex. It was outside in a stadium and it was pouring all day. We had seated tickets but wanted desperately to get nearer to the stage. This couple we met was willing to give us their bracelets or whatever so one of us could show it to some guy and... you know the deal. It was raining all day, and I saw Beastie Boys and others. Nobody really enjoyed it though, because of the torrential downpours. Just before Radiohead started the sky totally cleared up and it stopped raining. Their set was amazing and in their encore, they played Paranoid Android. It was like a movie, when Thom Yorke sang "rain down on me" you started to feel a slight drizzle, which continued until after they were done.

Life would be a lot easier if I'd never had a stroke. Learning how to walk, talk, eat, and basically live life has been and continues to be a struggle. I'm definitely a different person because of it though. In most ways, I like who I am now more than before. There's no way anyone can understand what It's like to live as a handicapped person unless they live it. I guess in that way, I'm fortunate to be given this opportunity. Either way, the life I've led is very unique. As of 09/19/2022, it's been five years since I had a stroke. It sure sucked sometimes, but It's getting better though. I'm determined to keep it that way.

I played guitar at a bunch of my friends' weddings. Some friends had their wedding at a train yard, and we took a train to the reception. While pounding strong IPAs as fast as I could, I played some songs on the guitar and sang with everybody. Everyone was drinking like it was their last few hours on earth and I think all the songs went off, but my favorite was Crazy Train.

I used to hang out at this guy's house all the time back in the day, A lot of people hung out there. He knew a lot of people in the scene and had the best weed in town. One time he was going out of town and my friend and I looked after his place while he was away, He had a huge nitrous tank and he told us (from what I can remember) to go to town on it. The tank was about 4 1/2 feet tall and had a hose on it to suck down the glorious hippie crack. My friend and I were taking turns standing at it, carelessly stuffing the nasty hose in our gullets and cranking the knob to sample the sweet nectar. The tank was in a closet; its view was obstructed from just about everywhere in the apartment. At one point while I was taking in the gas I started fishing out, still holding the tank, and this monster fell on me. I don't remember much from when I came to, apart from laughing and a huge bruise to commemorate the event. Don't do nitrous, It's dangerous.

I went to a party in Baltimore or DC that must've been around '92. I took a bus from the stairs in front of the please touch museum or something. It was my first out-of-state party and at my age, the first time I remember being unsupervised out of town as well. Shortly after getting acclimated to this bizarre new experience, I checked out the merch booths. They were scattered around the entrance in some arrangement I can't recall. Some guys were selling T-shirts and other swag. No doubt I probably told them I was from Philly, as I was already telling people I was from there. One of the dudes sold me my first hit of acid, which I blindly ingested immediately, not caring about the repercussions it might have. These guys were selling T-shirts and other swag. The one guy was a legend in the scene but I won't reveal his name for obvious reasons. The other guy was Kevin Gimble, who ended up changing my life many times over and went on to help throw some of the best parties in rave history and is now managing high-profile clients or something in LA. The name of their merch booth was Big Fun House. I don't remember much else from that party.

Sometimes falling asleep feels next to impossible. Twisting and turning for hours isn't uncommon, in some ways, it seems normal. I wear a sleep mask so light doesn't bother me. There've been times, though, that it gets very hot. I can't sleep without it so I just have to deal with that. Temperate affects me more in general since I've had a stroke and often I feel too hot, then too cold, then hot again and I sweat and then I'm wet and I start to shiver. It's a process I'm used to, but it's not fun. While I was making this website, I wound up staying up for a few nights and working for long stretches at a time. When I decided to get on a normal schedule, I was used to not sleeping and I couldn't fall asleep no matter how hard I tried. I drank three ciders, which make extra so wobbly and it's difficult to walk. Alcohol usually helps me sleep. No dice. On top of that, I took Mirtazapine and Trazodone, which were prescribed by my doctor for that very reason. That didn't help either. They just make it more difficult to function. If I have to get up I walk like the town drunkard, stumbling and holding on to walls or whatever else I can reach for support. I also took Melatonin. I have two different strengths and I took the more powerful of them, hoping that would help me. Nope. The combination of sleep drugs and alcohol makes it so difficult for me to do anything so after not succeeding to get any rest for hours, getting up and operating normally isn't a feasible option. It's almost 8 am while I'm writing this. I have to be awake in a few hours for grocery delivery. I guess I'll roll around in bed for a few hours until an hour before cos it takes me that long to get dressed and ready. My life is not easy.

I played a set with Kaos and Dieselboy at a Party that Nigel Richards thew call A Rave Called Scott. I broke the crossfader off by accident just before it was Dieselboy's turn. Sorry about that. We spent some time hanging in a bounce house or something after our set.

Soho - Hot Music used to go off in the early skating rink B-Boy/House or whatever scene.

I decided to make a blog on Wednesday, August 22nd, 2022. I know that mainly because my friend came over the night before, which is rare, and we drank some ciders. I had four, which was too many. By the end of the night, it was hard to walk. I somehow accumulated mystery bruises from smashing into something or another. It's frustrating to think that I used to be able to drink most people under the table and now I'm such a lightweight. Not that that's something to be proud of. People inspired me with their enthusiasm when I posted some memories on Facebook, so I thought I'd just make a simple blog. It turned out to be way more than I intended, but I decided that I needed a web space anyway and I didn't think it'd be that difficult. It would be an understatement to say I underestimated how much work it'd be. I'd previously divided 2 hits of acid into 8. I would've made them smaller but I got very crafty with tweezers and a magnifying glass, careful not to accidentally ingest some (which I've done), and I couldn't cut them again. I planned on taking a 1/8 a day for four days in a row, starting Wednesday. I've noticed that taking LSD causes me to concentrate more, kinda like Adderal, but without the speedy sensation like you just did some meth. This is a perfect opportunity to learn some stuff, I thought. I woke up on Wednesday feeling kinda crappy from the night before but I'd been planning my venture for a while, so I was anxious to get a move on. After my daily breakfast routine, I dug out my stash and put one of the small pieces on my tongue. This was my first foray into using daily hallucinogenics and I didn't know what to expect. Eager to get working, I created a Wix profile. It was daunting at first and I had no idea what I was doing. Dozens of YouTube tutorials later and I was starting to get the hang of it. I realized quickly that I'd need to learn some Photoshop skills. I had to buy that too and budget for the money it'd cost me every month, which is not much as it is. I started feeling the acid's influence on me. At first, I thought it might be too much. "I can handle it", I thought. I was determined to finish my task. I usually finish what I set out to do. Memories would drift into my mind out of nowhere. In between watching cheezy YouTube tutorials and working in Wix and Photoshop, I wrote down some stuff. I wrote down a lot of stuff. I took a few days off from the intense daily exercising I'd been doing. I thought I could feel the negative impact this was having on my body. I thought I could feel my muscles diminishing. The acid was starting to affect me more. It came in waves - not too intense, but I knew it was there. I'd drift off thinking about something, and then remind myself that I had a project to get done and to meet some phantom deadline that I conjured. At one point, after staying up for so long and coming down off acid, I started to get that old cracked-out feeling that comes with that kind of behavior. After guzzling some ciders I managed to get some rest. I must've watched hundreds of tutorials and I wound up staying up for very weird hours but it's Sunday morning as I'm writing this, and though it's super hurried and I'm sure there are tons of problems, I have the bones of an early version of this thing that I'm putting out into the world, whatever it is. The LSD ex ducting neurological experiments on myself. The thought of that makes me feel like even though my brain's been through some traumatic injury, it's still capable of causing me to think about running these trials on myself. I wish a qualified therapist or somebody was guiding me through this, but there's no one available to do that, and I haven't gone crazy yet. There's still time for that though. Or maybe not. I should probably get some sleep.

Talking about drugs in a public forum is something I was hesitant about at first because I didn't want anything I might say to be undermined or dismissed as someone that has taken drugs or the stereotypes surrounding that type of person. I know it's a subject not everyone can or wants to talk about but drugs have played a huge role in my life so I thought I'd write something about them. Having had a brain injury, I thought I'd take LSD and other hallucinogens to stimulate my brain. I can't take other drugs (nor do I want to) or doctors say my heart could explode. I took a lot of acid when I was a teenager and after thinking I'd never do it again, I thought it could be therapeutic and willing to try anything to help heal my brain. It seems logical to me since LSD affects the mind in ways that nobody can explain. I don't wanna end up like Syd Barrett or anything but I planned on taking doses that were laughable to someone like him and I figured I had nothing to lose. Shortly after I got a private space to do it in, I took a small mushroom cap to get reacclimated. It'd been something like fifteen years since I did any hallucinogen, and I was careful not to take too much. When I started peaking I thought, "I can definitely handle more of this." I've been steadfast in only taking small doses at a time though, so I can function and perform basic activities. They can be hard enough without a head full of acid. Anyone that's ever done LSD can tell you it expands the ways you think about things. I love that Anthony Bourdain quote... it really makes you think at least another way of looking at things is possible. There's a feeling of connectedness that countless numbers of people that took LSD describe. There's a feeling that your actions are meaningless and detrimental at the same time. I can't describe it in words. Small doses of that way of thinking can change your life. And the lives of whomever you interact with. I'm still experimenting with proper dosages, but I will say for certain that it helps in so many ways. Clearly, it needs to be studied more aggressively and I feel like I'm a great guinea pig. But yeah. It 100% helps.

"What we call everyday reality is a projection of consciousness. in reality, there are no such things as colors, or sounds, or textures, or tastes, or smells in the so-called "real world". The real world is a radically ambiguous and ceaselessly flowing quantum soup. It's a fluctuation of energy and information in an infinite void. The sky that an insect sees is not the sky that you and I see. A honeybee experiences ultraviolet radiation - no idea what that looks like, you know. So when a honeybee sees a flower, it doesn't see a flower the way you and I see it although it can sense honey from a distance. A snake experiences infra-red radiation. A bat experiences the echo of ultrasound. A chameleon's eyeballs swivel on two different axis - you can't even remotely imagine what things look like to a chameleon. So what's reality? And the answer is, there's no such thing." Deepak Chopra.